I’ve woken up about 4:30 – seems medication keeps me from getting a full eight hours of sleep. This early rise is also accompanied by a sneezing allergy attack. Occasionally I can go back to sleep but most of the time I wake up with my mind racing about something or the other. Like this morning (did I mention it was 4:30am) my mind had thoughts careening off the wall the instant I woke up. Probably continued from a dream – who knows? I started composing all of these vignettes in my mind and like someone hopped up on meth I thought they were genius. Really, maybe I was in a fugue state where I am actually a genius, or phasing in and out of an alternate world. It would be cool to be a genius or maybe not because a lot of them seem to be fucked up in some way. Although I don’t have much room to talk since I’m fucked up and I’m not a genius.
Anyway, as you can see my mind circles around like the water in a toilet bowl pushing unwanted debris to somewhere unknown. I do know where it ends up but I don’t want to go there. So circling around, I start writing this although I never “journal” as they call it. I have a blog (that no one actually looks at because it’s silly and I’ve made no effort to get any visitors.) The blog was created as a potential social media addition to an Android App I made. Well I didn’t make it I paid someone to make it. It was silly and one of the many entrepreneurial failures I have under my belt. There’s a long list of them. After this last one I finally figured out that I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I can talk about that at another time or maybe not because I may never touch this document again. I’ll save it on my hard drive and eventually delete it wondering what the hell it is. Actually I may post it on the blog, maybe the 3 people that follow it might read it. It’s called Cat-o-rama because it’s really a collection of pictures where I’ve comped cat heads on humans or posted someone else’s amusing versions. I know there is a small community of us that think this is hilarious. Of course if I post this rambling essay and you are actually reading it you already know this. That is what my Android app does – lets you put cat heads on your photos and save them. Apparently, not that many people want to do that, and certainly not more than one time. Unfortunately I had an idea that I thought was super funny and ran with it. Spent lots of money and then figured out that I should have done at least 5 minutes of market research to see if anyone wanted yet another photo editor app. The tons of “funny” photo editor apps out there already should have been a sign.
I haven’t posted a cat on this blog in a while because all of my efforts have been focused on getting gainful employment. Holy crap, it’s taken a long time to get an offer. In the last 10 months I’ve sent out over 300 resumes. This is yet another example of my career failure. I have a conglomeration of skills that make me an expert at nothing. I’ve found in this job search that companies are looking for experts in 4 or 5 different disciplines. I’m personally wondering who these super people are. I’m pretty darn good in one discipline and those skills should carry over to a lot of industries but I’m not an expert in any one industry. The majority of my experience has been production coordination of large animation projects, movies or TV specials. That is currently a crapfest employment option for me. So now I’ve got a new job in a non-creative industry and I hope I can tolerate it. I’ve always considered non-animation jobs “real jobs”. I’ve had multiple “real jobs” in my long career and I’ve never enjoyed them. Also unlike most people, as my career continues I’ve ended up with my salary incrementally going down instead of up. I’m making less money now than I made in 2000. I don’t know, I shouldn’t complain. This has happened to some of the other folks I know. For me, compiled with all my other failures it just enhances my failure aura. Good lord this little essay is depressing but hey, I suffer from depression which is another story to tell. Maybe I will write about it, who knows. I used to be a funny person and I laughed often. I’m planning on getting that back in the near future. Also, in case you haven’t noticed I’m not a very good writer either.
Just to keep the theme here’s a cathead picture. He looks a little sad and introspective which is where I’m living at this moment.
Oh, and one more thing, I don’t know crap about blogging, maybe I’ll learn and someone might see this.