Hey there. So today I’m feeling pretty good – getting shit done. The dark cloud is pretty high today and it’s transmissions are weak. Keeping busy does have something to do with it but when it’s low being productive is like climbing a mountain. I’m doing laundry which kind of sucks but it is productive.
Having a start date has resigned me to my fate. It will be good to be around people and making some money is better than making no money. I can’t help hoping that the interview goes well and I’ll get an offer – a reprieve from the job I’d like to avoid. But, whatever, all will be OK. Now see, that’s just the attitude that is completely squashed when the dark cloud of doom descends. If you were thinking rationally it would be easier to recognize that the situation may not be optimum but that you can get through it and eventually make it better. Unfortunately when the depression cloud gets you it’s impossible to make those connections. I wish there were warning signs for when a bout of depression is going to hit you. You could get prepared, get all your tools ready, make notes, have a plan of action. That doesn’t happen so you’re rolling along and it hits you when you are unprepared. I tend to cry a lot for no reason when it happens which bugs me to no end. I hate crying and I hate for anyone to see me crying. I have an anxiety drug to take which will level me out and end the incessant crying which is a good thing. I have to keep it on me most of the time because I never know when it might start. It sucks to be at a job or out and about and have that shit start up. I get that weirdo uncontrollable lip twitching thing happening and I’m using all my effort to squelch the crying. Usually I end up with tears running down my face because it’s almost impossible not to cry after that lip twitching starts.
That’s it for today – not very interesting but maybe next time there will be more drama. Yesterday I found a cat bonanza! I found the source for a couple of the images I’ve posted. Apparently Cat High is a real book done in the 80’s without the use of photoshop. That makes it so much more cool – this dude put an incredible amount of work into it. Anyway, here’s one.